


boring and beautiful

by leafletter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunken Shenanigans, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Makeup, Roommates, So much eye contact, some cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29081976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leafletter/pseuds/leafletter
Summary: Tendou Satori is gay, and he's okay with it. Because he's been bothered about other aspects of himself by others much more, about much less. College is a new start, but he faces the same old.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 16
Kudos: 148





	boring and beautiful

Tendou bursts into their room and launches onto his bed, even though he's not in his pajamas. A crime. If Ushijima weren't here, he would've stomped in more obnoxiously. The strings inside him are snapping, one by one. Maybe they're all gone yet and he just hasn't realized—he doesn't know. His first college party would go down in history as his last.

He turns his head and asks, "Ushiwaka, what's it like being naturally good-looking? A hunk?" His voice comes out scratchy and crackles with the effort. Lungs empty, throat mangled, Tendou's words are a bitter scribble of black.

Ushijima looks up from his desk, sporting his reading glasses, as he does when he is doing his engineering homework—which seems to be the only thing he does when he's not playing volleyball or going on a run.

"I... What?"

Tendou swats the air, "Don't ' _what_ ' me. You're attractive. What's that like? I'm _finally_ curious." He stares up at their moldy ceiling. The dorms suck ass. He hates everyone and everything here, admitting defeat to himself in his head, the only place he'll surrender to his weaknesses.

Ushijima looks like a father at the dinner table, eyeing Tendou on his bed with glasses slid down on his nose. Trying to grasp what Tendou wants from him.

"I don't know?" Still confused, "No one has told me that before."

A little surprised, Tendou manages out, "Well then. I'm the first to say it, but not to think it."

Tendou is exasperated, now sitting on his bed and gestures wildly to Ushijima's face and body, "Can't you see it?" Ushijima must notice all the whispers and stares he gets from girls in their general education class, at least even a little bit.

"Looks are not that important to me."

 _Of course_. Looks are not a concern when they are not concerning. Not expecting much else from Ushijima, it had been his own fault for his outburst, Tendou gets out of bed and changes into his pajamas for a return to normalcy. It's a pair of red flannel fuzzy pants and a rainbow tie-dye shirt, the polar opposite of the gym shorts and nondescript volleyball hoodie Ushijima wears to sleep.

Tendou picks up his toothbrush, heading to the bathroom.

On the way out, he singsongs, "That's what I always tell myself."

When he comes back, the room is dark, Ushijima must be asleep since it's midnight, and he always goes to bed on the dot. Tendou closes the door, taking care to hold the knob down so the click is not as loud, then silently skips over to his bed, which must look funny as a 6'2'' man. He's tall, but not rude.

It's pitch-black, but Tendou easily pokes around for his blanket and hops in. This dorm room, shitty as is, is still his home. Home with the strangest person he's ever met, a roommate whom he has yet to fully figure out. Mainly because he's a silent, reliable presence that comforts him. Tendou has never been comfortable with anyone before. With this in mind, he succumbs to sleep rather quickly, the day's events and his consciousness slipping into oblivion.

When he wakes, Ushijima is gone as usual, presumably for an early morning run. The bed is made and the window curtains are drawn closed. The only signs that Tendou, does in fact, have a roommate, is a picture album on Ushijima's desk and his engineering homework from yesterday still out.

Tendou yawns and gets up. Sleepily, he grabs a banana from the bunch on his own desk, which he's pilfered from the dining hall at the beginning of the week. Noticing something else on his desk, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes with the back of his hand. There's a small picture on his desk.

Scrabbling, he sets down his banana and picks up the picture which depicts baby Ushijima, bawling his eyes out. There's snot trailing from his nose and his legs—chubby at the time, are flailing in the air. The tiny puff of brown hair on his head sticks out in all directions, and a single stub of a tooth peeks from the tiny gums.

Tendou feels like he is holding a cursed picture, one that should never exist. _Ushijima, a child—a toddler? What was that even like?_

With no one to watch, Tendou speaks to himself, "Goo-goo, ga-ga. I am Ushijima." The thought is too funny to keep in his mind, so it manifests in words as Tendou imitates Ushijima while laughing until his cackle is inaudible. He's bowing over with laughter at the thought of baby Ushijima making friends on the playground, when he finally notices that there's writing on the back of the photo.

_"Satori, this is the ugliest photo of myself I possess. Maybe you will enjoy it."_

Tendou stops laughing as he reads the lettering on the back of the photo, eyes scanning the brief message again and again. He flips it back over to the front again, Tendou's lips thinning as he presses them together, trying not to let a faded picture of this absurd baby make him cry.

Cursing Ushijima, Tendou inhales sharply to dry out his wet nose and misty eyes—baby Ushijima isn't even ugly... Innocent and too fucking good for the world. Just like he is now.

For the rest of the year, the photo of baby Ushijima is gingerly taped to the wall next to Tendou's wall of manga misfits. To remind him every subsequent morning that the best people are uniquely beautiful, even at their ugliest, if you can call it that.

* * *

Tendou Satori is gay, and he's okay with it. Because he's been bothered by other aspects of himself by others much more, about much less.

He didn't need to "pretend" or "fake" being straight, because he's never been in a relationship before and people haven't cared enough to ask. In high school, people only asked about your crushes if you were worth having a crush on. Fine by him.

And Tendou Satori is many things. Conventionally attractive, no. Peppy, snarky, quirky, and a heaping spoonful of mischievous flippancy are more like it. High school is reliably cruel to the unusual, so he was ready for a new start.

Swearing that he'd stay true to himself, as always, in college as well, Tendou unfurls his shounen manga posters to hang them on the walls. All the protagonists in action manga either stood out like eyesores, had unfortunate circumstances, or quirks of their own. They're one of a kind, yet also one of his kind.

With the last of his posters hung up—Saiki K's deadpan stare clairvoyantly boring into the room—Tendou gets to making his bed. The sun is starting to set, casting an orange hue through the sliver of sunlight that sneaks around the edge of the blinds. The light falls on particles of dust in the air, no doubt sent into flight from all of the unpacking Tendou has done.

_I wonder what my roommate will be like._

Speak of the devil. There is a tentative twist of the door handle, which gives way because Tendou has left it unlocked, and suddenly the shadow of what can only be described as Bigfoot himself falls on the dorm floor.

Tendou's roommate is larger than life.

He's also... He's also everything Tendou is supposed to hate.

Chiseled chin with a jawline sharp to the touch, matched with piercing, calculating olive-brown eyes. Well-endowed with height and a muscular build, it's a crime to Tendou's sanity that his roommate is wearing shorts because his legs are satisfyingly toned. The measurements, ratios, and standards of handsomeness are all met here—no, they're perfect. It's ridiculous and irritating.

Intimidatingly beautiful. Or beautifully intimidating. Tendou can't figure out which. This is upsetting, because Tendou's first line of defense against the world is sizing people up, guessing how they think, make accurate judgments about them before they plague him with their own.

There's a jarring mismatch between the roommate's stately appearance and what immediately comes out of his mouth: "I am Ushijima Wakatoshi."

He awkwardly straightens up, offering his hand out as though it's a peace offering and Tendou is the leader of a foreign nation greeting a fellow prime minister. He's not though, Ushijima is a mere college student—however manly in appearance—one who wears a lanyard from orientation and a sports backpack, a small suitcase in tow. It takes everything in Tendou not to giggle, because for some reason he feels like he shouldn't laugh right now.

Reaching for his hand, Tendou offers, "Hello." Ushijima's hands are well-calloused and his handshake is firm, "I'm Tendou. Tendou Satori. You can call me Satori if you want, since we're living together."

After a moment of hesitation, Ushijima says, "I'll call you Tendou." He walks around Tendou and puts his suitcase on the bed, unzipping his luggage to start folding some clothes. Under any other circumstance, Tendou would have assumed this meant Ushijima did not like him, but Ushijima doesn't seem to have meant it condescendingly. Perhaps he has some rule that he only calls family by their first name, or something like that.

"Alrighty then, _Ushiwaka_."

Ushijima pauses from folding, noting the nickname, then continues to sort and fold his clothes into neat piles.

Tendou shrugs. His new roommate could be better, but more importantly, could have been a lot worse. This is good enough.

* * *

In his dream, the fuzzy outlines of a dog Tendou pets fade as the drones of a subdued, melodious voice call out to him. The speaker isn't calling out to him in particular, but they're omnipresent, as though a sound system is installed in his brain. There's a brief moment of awareness when Tendou realizes he is indeed asleep, and his body twitches himself awake.

The soft voice was no hallucination. It's Sunday morning, sacred time all students reserve for sleeping in, all except Ushijima Wakatoshi. Tendou puts a pillow over his head, futile efforts to return to his sleep. The first week of school had just ended, and he was exhausted from all the new experiences that had come with it. Sunday would have been a fine day to sleep through.

Knowing he won't fall back asleep, Tendou shifts and turns to see what Ushijima is doing. Ushijima sits at his desk, posture straight, focused on his laptop, with a video call on fullscreen. A young girl—maybe fourteen or so—is a bit too close to the camera, with her button nose out of focus, calmly chattering to Ushijima, who responds with the occasional " _mhm_ " or nod to indicate that he's listening.

The girl's eyes turn to Tendou, who has just sat up on his own bed.

"Waka, your roommate is up. Did we wake him?"

"Sorry, Tendou." Ushijima turns to Tendou, apologetically, "My sister, Wakiko. She told me to call every Sunday."

Ah. Ushijima is a family man. Makes sense. Wakiko, though trapped in the screen, moves even closer to the camera, if that's possible. Her eyes are the same variant of olive-brown as Ushijima's, but they're framed by cheeky, clever lids.

Wakiko laughs heartily, "That's right! He can't forget about me so easily."

"Ah!" Tendou greets her, "Hey there, Wakiko-kun. No worries. I can head out if you want." Tendou turns to Ushijima, getting ready to get out of bed and figure out where he'll spend the rest of his Sunday to give the two some space. He's an only child, so he doesn't really know if siblings need quality time together or not. Being close with a sibling, or another person, is a foreign concept.

Ushijima raises his eyebrow, "No need. Proceed as you like." He turns back to the laptop to watch Wakiko, whose eyes are still trained on Tendou.

"Yeah, stay! I want to meet Waka's roommate. Come over here!"

Well, he really has nothing else to do. Tendou makes his way over and scoots his own desk chair next to Ushijima.

"What were you both talking about?"

"I am showing Waka my makeup routine!" Tendou notes that Wakiko is in a bathroom, standing in front of a shiny mirror with a rainbow palette of dusty colors open on the counter. "I've been trying to learn how to do makeup. If Waka were here, I'd have him help me. Right now, I guess—well he's still helping me but it's hard over video."

Turning back to the mirror, Wakiko spreads a translucent liquid from a small glass bottle over her fingers and pats it into her cheeks with a cute eagerness.

"Makeup? Ushiwaka won't know how to do that." Giving him a small elbow, Tendou peers curiously at Ushijima, who is not bothered at all by the assessment. If anything, he's silently agreeing.

"Oh believe me, I know." Wakiko pauses from putting the liquid on her face to laugh, again. Her laugh is contagious, and some of it wriggles out of Tendou's lungs as well. "But he will watch, won't you _Ushiwaka_?" Wakiko singsongs the new nickname, the one Tendou has settled on calling Ushijima. It's less annoying when Wakiko says it. Tendou may have imagined it, but perhaps there's a tiny smile from Ushijima.

"I am simply moral support. Is that not good enough?"

Wakiko sighs, melodramatically, "So, as I was saying, I think now I can put eyeshadow on." She picks up the palette next to her, bringing it up to the camera so her observers can appraise it. "What color? I want a bright, shimmery look today." She holds it up, obviously not taking it down until one of them gives her a suggestion. Though Tendou and Ushijima clearly don't know the first thing about makeup, Wakiko has an impeccable talent for making people feel included in everything she wants to do—which would make anyone like to be a part of anything she's doing.

Ushijima nods towards him, "Tendou?"

Skimming the colorful blocks of the palette, his eyes land on an iridescent rectangle of glittery light green, so light in color that it is almost white. It reminds him of the color of unicorn horns.

"How about that one?" He corrects himself, realizing that she cannot see what he's pointing to, "The one on the top left."

"Ooooh. I like it!" She nods emphatically, with gusto. "We'll go with that. We need a darker shadow of a similar color though to create 'depth', I think." Wakiko bites her lip, and then turns to the camera again, "Give me a second color, Waka." Ushijima thinks, obviously putting all of his brainpower into selecting a color that will compliment Tendou's choice.

"Um. The third on the bottom row."

The color he has chosen is a deep blue-green, the stuff of dark forest moss. Or even the shadowy part of abalone seashell when shielded from the harsh beat of the summer sun.

"Yes! Perfect. These go together so well."

Satisfied, she gets to putting some of the shiny color on a small brush, which she sweeps onto her eyelids. The border of her glittery lids is a little messy, but she doesn't seem to care.

Wakiko talks as she continues to work, "Tendou, what do you study? I asked Ushiwaka about his classes but they're all physics and math, and I already know all about that already."

Tendou chuckles, looking down. He'd rather not think about class, "I'm sorta all over the place right now... I don't really know what to major in but my favorite class so far is a one called 'Personality'." At least that professor had one of himself. Tendou found the various psychology studies and experiments intriguing, for lack of deeper reflection on this until now. It was the only class he would stay up in, he'd give it that.

"Whoa, that does sound interesting!" Wakiko turns, now piling some of Ushijima's selection onto her brush, "What can you tell me about my personality?" She peers at Tendou, as though eye contact will help him make an accurate evaluation.

"I'm no psychologist. But my first impression here is that yours is a sunny and inquisitive one." It sounds like a compliment, but he genuinely means it as a fact. Wakiko is leisurely inviting as a presence.

"Thanks! I like this Tendou, Waka!"

"He is... suitable." _How are these two even related?_

" _Thanks_." A new thought surfaces, "Wakiko-kun, what made you want to try to learn makeup? Don't girls do makeup to be pretty?" Wakiko didn't seem the type to be insecure in her appearance, and Tendou was sure of it.

"Tendou, Tendou, Tendou." She shakes her head at him, wagging her finger as well for the additional stress, "You got it all wrong. I do it for fun! It's like painting on my face. To highlight my best parts. You should try it sometime. What do you think, Waka?"

"I would not mind." Ushijima speaks as though he has just been asked about what pair of white socks he would want to wear, "Tendou using makeup does not affect me. He can do as he wishes." Nothing excites this man besides volleyball. No surprises here.

Speaking for both of them, Tendou holds up his hand to refuse, "No thanks, nothing goes well with maroon." He points at his messy hair, which is not gelled right now. His red bangs fall on his forehead and drape near his eyes. He pushes some away, feeling suddenly conscious of the way his hair looks.

"You're funny. But you're wrong! We'll find your match some other time. Your hair is nice!"

"Okay, if you say so, Wakiko-kun."

It's a little bit more time before Wakiko finishes her stint as a beauty guru, holding up each product to the phone and explaining the purpose, as Ushijima and Tendou watch obediently. Her completed appearance looks nice on her, sparkly eyelids that match her bubbly way of speaking. Unicorn horn girl. Tendou claps for her as she strikes poses for them, and Ushijima nods in approval.

* * *

The air in the night is chilling and damp.

It won't bring down Tendou's spirits, because he's ready to go to his very first college party. At long last. No one really knows who he is, which is _perfect_. Time to see what all the fuss was about.

He's ready too—Tendou only wears all colorful clothes, every shade of the rainbow all at once—or only he wears all black like the void. No in between. Sometimes he likes the bright hues, and sometimes he prefers none at all. Today, he's a member of the night, black ensemble covering his skin. Red is the only color on his body.

He skips along to the seemingly nondescript dorm hall, which everyone really knows will house all the rebellious freshman, out of the watchful eyes of their parents.

There are a few other freshmen who excitedly swipe their ID cards on the door box to gain access to the building, ready to get out of the frigid air. He follows them in, heading down the staircase to the basement. As they near the bottom of the stairs, the thump of the music vibrates Tendou's bones and his chest feels strangely hollow. It helps mask the nervous flicker of his heart.

He and the other two freshmen head into the basement, and they're consumed by a bluish darkness... and an overwhelming stench of sweat. The air is sticky. Musty jungle of freshman grinding against freshmen in the low-light is just as unappealing as it sounds. This is exactly what college is for, though.

Tendou's not the kind to knock a bad thing before he tries it, so he decides he will hang around a bit more. He also knows that parties aren't fun unless you also drink. He strides over to a plastic table with a mess of plastic cups, a sorry excuse for a makeshift bar. Swiping a cup and gulping it—he instantaneously regrets it for the fiery sting that rips through his nose and down his throat. It's not enough to get him drunk, but he should find the sweaty room a bit more appealing now.

A girl at the end of the table is approached by a rather shifty-looking man, who is definitely not a freshman. He smiles down at her and she shyly tucks her hair behind her ear. Avoiding his gaze, she probably thinks she's doing a good job of playing hard to get, but the way her body is turned towards him is really telling, Tendou concludes.

About to head over to the dancing floor—no, area, since it's all just the same dark room, Tendou loses interest until he sees the man slide his arm around the girls waist. The girl gasps, shocked and exhilarated, but she wouldn't be if she saw what Tendou sees. His hand snakes around her waist, tipping powdery pill into her drink.

_Are. you. kidding. me?_

It would have been a lot easier for Tendou to have not seen that. Really easy. About a second of bad timing had put him in this position. He's walking away, but slowly. An image of the girl, dead—gray tinge on her skin and vomit on her long-lifeless body flashes in his mind. _Fuck_.

So instead, Tendou sighs.

He turns back around and heads straight to the two.

"Excuse me."

"Hm? What do you want?"

Tendou stares at the girl's drink, now held in her hand, close to her chest. She should have had it there from the beginning. Safe in her hands now, but not before. It's now or never—

The sleaze glares at Tendou, " _Gross_. Are you staring at her chest?"

Tendou's eyes widen in horror, and the girl stares at her feet, obviously used to this kind of negative attention—but why? His mind on fire, he shakes his head. They've got it so wrong. On so many levels.

"What!? No. No—"

"Baby, he's a _creep_." Ouch. He hasn't heard that one in a while. But then again, words can transport you back in time. His chest is freshly stabbed like it's yesterday. The real creep hooks his arm over the girl's shoulder, turning her towards the exit. "Let's get out of here."

The girl finally speaks, "Yeah, I'm scared." _Of who, exactly?_

Before he can regret anything more, Tendou blurts, "HE SPIKED YOUR DRINK!"

He catches the girl's eye, and she must see the desperation and pleading in his eye, his pleads for him to trust her. The realization in her eyes is enough to make Tendou relax, but the sleaze still has his arm slung over her. He spits at Tendou.

"No I didn't, you fucker." Tendou feels himself grow small, but this man is smaller than him. In more ways than one. He steels and looks only at the girl.

"Be carefu—"

He's cut off by an uppercut to the chin. The trickle of blood on his lip is warm and salty. It clashes with the lingering aftertaste of vodka on his breath. Tendou wipes it, unable to speak because his jaw is screaming for relief. Screaming for mercy, but Tendou won't give in.

The man barks, "Get lost. Before I do something else." He rubs his knuckle and removes his arm from the girl. _Finally_. Tendou is used to getting beat up, and this isn't the worst he's ever felt. But every eye in the room is on them.

Tendou is suddenly lifted up under his shoulders by two other guys at the party, who bring him to the door, obviously wanting to diffuse a fight before it escalates. He understands. But they don't.

_Is this something that's always going to happen to me?_

Night terminated before expected, Tendou paws at his own face gingerly when he heads out of the building, cold night air sobering him up a tiny bit. The cold also stings his cut, which is an annoying reminder that it exists.

Red is still the only color on his body.

At least that had been preserved. Tendou runs. Starts running to the edge of campus, past each of the study halls. Eerie in the night, with fake candles in the windows, giving the false impression that the old scholars of ancient history still study in them. He runs more. Past the activities hall, past the dining hall, empty and uninviting. He stops at the fence. The fence stops drunk students from toppling over the edge of the overpass.

Staring at the headlights of cars pass by, Tendou slumps on the railing, not particularly thinking about anything. Or maybe it's not nothing, maybe it's everything. All at once.

He yells, a long and scary scream, until there's no more air in his lungs. He heaves, shoulders moving up and down like a maniac. And then he screams again. This time, it's for longer, but it sounds like a cry. The pants overtake his body when it turns into a wheeze. Spittle trails on his chin, mixing with the blood. That's enough. He wipes himself with the back of his hand.

That's enough. _That's enough_. Empty inside, hollow, the void. That's more like it. Better than the heavy weight of the helpless. There's nothing else in there, nothing good and nothing bad. Memories of the night sufficiently rid of his body. Maybe since his voice is gone, he won't even be able to talk about it to anybody. Not that anyone would ask.

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep_.

Ushijima immediately rises, sitting up and grabbing his phone to swipe the alarm off. 7:00AM. He's overslept. But it's a Saturday, so it's more forgivable, he guesses. He can't do this during the weekday, or it'll mean not being able to get his morning run in before practice.

 _Oh well_. Swiveling out of his bed, he puts on his slippers to get ready and resume his normal morning routine, which he _will not_ skip steps on.

  1. Make the bed.
  2. Brush teeth. Comb hair.
  3. Put on shirt. Check weather. _Oh, it's cold_. Put on jacket.
  4. It is important to start the day with a sound mind. Meditate for five minu—



"Ushiwaka, are you sleeping sitting up? Like a monk?"

Ushijima opens his eyes, to see Tendou sitting up in his bed. He would have to finish his routine tomorrow. Tendou eyes him, but not with a scrutinizing look as he had done the first time he had greeted him.

"I was meditating. Clears the mind."

As usual, Tendou stares at him with a gaze that makes him feel like Tendou is the only one in the world who can see him. Only in volleyball, do people stare, and it's because they're afraid of him. They're not looking at him, they're warily watching. Only Tendou stares when he is doing nothing.

"Can you teach me?"

"Oh? Sure." Ushijima cannot really picture him sitting still for a meditation, but he's oddly stubborn. Ushijima reminds himself he has to get going, "I have to run now, though. So later."

Tendou's hurriedly changing into running shorts, hiking them up over his neon-green briefs, "Wait, Ushiwaka, can I come?" And now, he's jamming his socked feet into some tattered tennis shoes.

"Can you keep up?"

He doesn't want to leave Tendou behind accidentally. It would be troublesome to have to look for him.

Tendou sticks his tongue out, "Ugh, you underestimate me. I used to do cross country in high school, you know." Ushijima shouldn't be surprised, since Tendou has the lean frame for it. His legs are also long, good for stride. He must have been very talented at it. Ushijima had just assumed Tendou would never enjoy athletics, perhaps from all the manga he reads in bed on weekends. Was the manga more interesting than any sport?

"Alright. Let's go."

Their feet slap the concrete on the campus walk, strangely in time. Ushijima can't slack off, now that he knows Tendou is used to running long distance. The smacks on asphalt turn into soft pads on the grass. They're off the school campus now, running into the small park adjacent. The air is cleaner here, and Ushijima likes fresh air in the morning. Another daily reset.

Tendou huffs, "Thanks. I liked the photo," to which Ushijima doesn't know how to respond. He had wondered where his baby photo went, until he had seen it on the wall the next morning. He was not a manga hero. Why was he put on the wall, too? He didn't mind though. They continue to run in silence.

They make the turn to follow the dirt path, now trekking up the side of a small hill, dewy long grass tickling the sides of their legs. It's a narrow path. Their shoulders bump occasionally. Ushijima thinks he should slow down to let Tendou go in front of him so this doesn't happen, but decides against it. Tendou wouldn't like that, he would think Ushijima is going easy on him.

So they keep running, shoulders bumping all the way up the hill. Tendou shakes his head occasionally, his usually-gelled hair falling flat and covering his eyes. That must be bothersome to run with. Ushijima tries not to stare every time Tendou wags his head, because he needs to focus.

* * *

The printer is jammed. Again. There's not really any point in wasting more time. Ushijima needs to print his problem set. He'd have to go to another floor of the library to get it printed out. It's due next week and so that means he needs to start now.

He picks up his backpack and his flashdrive to go to the first floor of the library. It's not his favorite place to be, because it's too noisy for studying. He prefers the silent floor, the one where others will glare if you even type on your keyboard too loudly. He's very good at being quiet. And he appreciates the others who work there. Everyone very focused, it's a motivating atmosphere.

On his way to the other printer, he passes a mess of red hair passed out on a desk. A yellowed book with a bunch of highlighter sticky-notes fans and spreads like an accordion, pages flying open and closed with the breeze from the air conditioner.

Tendou softly snores into the desk. _Does that not hurt?_ He remembers Tendou complaining about a midterm for his Japanese literature class the other day. No doubt that he had been studying for that.

Ushijima pauses, then continues to the printer. Once his assignment is loaded, he waits for all thirty pages of the problem set to print. The hum and buzzes of the printer sound a steady rhythm. While waiting, he looks at Tendou, who shivers in his sleep. It is a bit chilly on the first floor, likely to keep students alert and awake, which hadn't worked on Tendou.

Staring at his own arms, which are covered by his volleyball track jacket, he looks over at Tendou, whose bare arms are chicken-skin. He only has a bright purple shirt on, with an equally blinding pair of turquoise shorts. Does he not check the weather? With a small sigh, Ushijima takes off his jacket and drapes it over his arm. Tendou needs to take better care of himself. Everybody only has one body to use.

Ushijima collects the papers on the tray, thumbing through a few to check that they're all there. Before he leaves, he spreads his jacket over Tendou, whose body unconsciously relaxes from the newfound warmth.

* * *

Tendou parades through their dorm room with an air of triumph, the door slamming against the rubber stopper on the wall, nearly hitting him as he walks through. Earlier in the year, Ushijima would have flinched at the near-miss. Now, he barely blinks, used to the cloud of chaos that Tendou is. Tendou, still not noticing, whistles as he drops his backpack on the floor and puts a suspicious brown paper bag on his desk.

He tilts his head back and announces, "Yahoo! I'm DONE, ya hear? D-O-N-E. F-R-E-E."

"With the Spelling Bee?"

Tendou giggles, "Ushiwaka, I didn't know you had a sense of humor! No, my _midterm_!" Ah, that is right. Tendou had left early today to cram the last of the studying that he needed to do before Ushijima had left for his run. From the sounds of it, it had went well. Perhaps not. Tendou was likely to be happy regardless of the result, simply because he had finished.

Glancing at the brown bag, Tendou whispers, "I bought something after I left the testing hall." Bouncy with the promise of a soon-to-be-spilled-secret, Tendou hops onto his bed with the bag, holding it in his lap.

There's no other option but to go along with it, "...What did you buy?"

He pats the space next to him on his bed, "Come here."

Ushijima stares at his problem set. He was on the last page. And it wasn't due until next week. Maybe he could spare some time. It's a Friday night. Ten minutes of a break, at the most. Standing up, Ushijima ignores Tendou's surprise as he walks over to his bed and seats himself on it. Barely able to contain himself, Tendou lifts a glass bottle with clear liquid inside out of it. Hard liquor.

"Satori, I do not drink." Such activities are not kind to the body.

"Huh, why not?" Tendou pouts, "Can't you celebrate with me?" The happy mood Tendou was in begins to fade, and Ushijima shouldn't notice, but he does. It makes him uncomfortable that Satori is disappointed.

"Do you not want to celebrate with someone else?"

Tendou's face darkens, recalling a bad memory.

He shakes himself, then faces Ushijima, "No, I don't."

"Alright."

As though Ushijima had agreed from the start, Tendou gets to opening the bottle, smiling all the while. Ushijima notes that today, Tendou is wearing all black. Perhaps he wears black on exam days. They are a serious affair. The outfit makes his red hair stand out, and it looks nice like that.

"What's your tolerance like?" Tolerance? His should be fairly fine, since he is on the larger side. But he doesn't know. "Is Ushiwaka a happy drunk? Sad drunk?" He wonders if Tendou is a happy drunk or sad drunk. He's already both when he's sober.

"I'm not sure. I tried one glass before and I did not like the taste."

"Hmmmm, I won't force you," Tendou says, a bit quieter than before. "Though I think that you could use a little loosening up once in a while." With that, Ushijima feels Tendou pat him on the shoulder and give him a little nudge. He's holding out the open bottle. They don't have any spare cups lying around, so it's obvious that they're going to share it like this.

Taking the bottle, Ushijima tilts it back and he generously gulps his first sip, half to make up for ruining Tendou's mood earlier. Tendou wanted to celebrate, so he should at least participate. The sour, acidic taste of the alcohol burns his tongue, and he coughs, sputtering.

"Ushiwaka, that was quite a lot. Are you going to be okay?"

Tendou puts a hand on Ushijima's chest, guiding him further back from the edge of the bed closer in, closer to the wall. There's seriousness in his voice. Ushijima doesn't like the concern in Tendou's question, because it is supposed to be a celebration.

"I—I think so." A drop of the bitter vodka slips further down his throat.

Stealing the bottle from Ushijima, Tendou taunts, "Well if you drink that much, I'm going down with you!" He takes a large swig of his own, seemingly experienced with his alcohol from the way he doesn't even flinch. Ushijima wonders who Tendou has drunk with before, or why he has celebrated before.

They pass the bottle back and forth, taking more cautious sips, mouths hanging open as if to force the aftertaste out a bit. The two are both leaning against the wall, doing their best not to look at each other.

Ushijima starts to feel a little dizzy. Nothing serious, but he gets the feeling that maybe he should slow down.

He mumbles, "Satorrri. I can't anymore." His speech is a clumsy stumble.

"Oh, whoaaaa. You sound out of it." Ushijima would like to point out that he does, too, but decides not to. "Let's stop for now then." Tendou caps the bottle, puts it on his desk, then comes back to sit next to Ushijima. They sit together, currently both fighting sleepiness.

It's utterly quiet in the room, a tad bit too warm. Everything around them is familiar, Ushijima feels safe though a bit inebriated.

"S—sorry. This is not. A celebration."

"Don't be. You drank with me." Tendou moves his body a lot more when he's drunk. As though his limbs are twice their length. Would be useful for volleyball blocks. "You're much nicer than you look, Ushi." He tries to tap Ushijima's cheek to give it a playful pinch, but he misses and instead pokes Ushijima in the nose. It tickles.

"Didn—didn't you say I look attrrractive?" It's hard to get his words out. They're getting stuck. Ushijima remembers the compliment Satori had given him, quite a while ago. "I look nicerrrr—than that?"

Tendou tries to grab his own hair, "Shit, Ushiwaka. You're embarrassing me." He misses, and accidentally swats his forehead. Now his forehead is pink, along with his two cheeks.

"Sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" Tendou points to Ushijima, finger dangerously close to poking out Ushijima's eyeball, "You're the only damn one who would want to drink with me." He slumps down a bit, leaning on Ushijima as he tries to regain his breath from his little outburst. Ushijima stares down at his lap, fuzzy eyes not sure where to look. He's sure other people would like to drink with Tendou, would show him a better time than he has.

Tendou asks, "Are you this nice to anybody?"

"Wwhat?"

Narrowing his eyes, Tendou puts his face up close to Ushijima's, "I mean, are you just nice to me because we live together?" Ushijima can smell Tendou, though it mostly just smells like vodka. Again, he feels dizzy, trying to grasp onto the current question.

"Hm? Noooo. I mean, what?" He doesn't even remember the question.

Tendou hasn't moved a single inch backwards, instead pressing a little closer. Their noses are touching. It tickles, again. "Can I kiss you?"

Ushijima realizes, "You. Are. A. Happy drunk?" Tendou must be a happy drunk. _But why is he so serious? Don't only happy people kiss?_ As Ushijima considers this, his glassy eyes unfocus, Tendou's outline becoming blurry within a second.

Tendou backs away, shaking his head, "I'm not going to, never mind." As if to further emphasize this, he crosses his arms, forming an X with them. He looks like a ninja, like one of the ones on his own posters.

"Why?"

"Because you're dru—"

Tendou is cut off, because Ushijima falls over, head thunking into Satori's lap. He's heavy as a rock, immovable just the same. Sobering up, Tendou stiffens, then relaxes so he will be a comfortable pillow for Ushijima.

After some time, Tendou falls asleep, back against the wall, sitting up. Like a monk.

* * *

The next morning, Tendou wakes up haphazardly on his bed. His spine feels bent, curled in fetal position with a blanket covered over him. That was weird.

He sits up, sighing, then cringes as his breath reminds him of the night prior. Where was Ushijima? It's 2:00PM, and there's no trace of him. Lines of worry cross Tendou's forehead, because Ushijima is definitely out there somewhere, suffering a massive hangover. He hadn't expected Ushijima to be such a lightweight, for being such a solid brick of a human.

There's no backpack hung on his chair, and his bed is made. Library?

 _Fuck_. Ushijima definitely needs space.

He'd asked to kiss the most heartbreakingly straight man in the world. To make matters worse—no, the _worst_ —his own roommate. An unavoidable, ever-present fixture of the freshman college experience. Well, maybe not that unavoidable. Ushijima is gone for now.

He'll give him a little space. Tendou has come to terms with himself a long time ago, but Ushijima hasn't. If he could travel back in time and give little Tendou one gift, he would have given Tendou more time. Time to heal. So that's what he will give Ushijima.

And now, time to freshen up. Tendou furiously drags his hand across his clothes hangers, as he does haphazardly to select his outfits. One half is black, the other rainbow. Today, he'll wear his rainbow tie-dye pajama shirt with blue jeans. Full colors.

He's nervous, and he's unsure as to whether or not he's ruined his one and only college friendship.

But Tendou Satori knows who he is, at least. He'll always know. Perhaps today he embraces it.

* * *

Tendou walks back to the room. He doesn't want to open the door, because he knows that there is a possibility Ushijima will be there. But he has to go in, because he left his edited Japanese literature essay on his desk, and he's on very thin ice with the Professor Shibasaki.

Whispering a prayer, that since it's lunchtime, Ushijima will be anywhere but the room, he pushes the door open with his eyes closed.

Oh no: "Tendou! It's you!"

His eyes open, and a brunette girl is attacking him with a hug, arms enclosed around the top of his waist. She looks up at him, and Tendou gasps. It's Wakiko-kun, in the flesh.

She wears pink eyeshadow today, complete with some adventurous cat-eye eyeliner. It is a bit edgier, and makes her appear older than she is. But it's very flattering on her, drawing attention to her clever, conniving eyes. _To highlight my best parts,_ she had said.

"Tendou, I forgot to tell you. Wakiko-kun is visiting today. She took the train here this morning. I went to pick her up." _Ah, that's where he was._ Ushijima coughs, staring at his feet. _Ah, so he does remember. Last night._ Tendou can't come up with anything to say. He hadn't expected any of this. None of his guessing would have.

Wakiko-kun looks between the two alarmingly, a barometer for the awkward atmosphere.

"Is something wrong?"

Scrambling for something, Tendou offers, "No, Ushiwaka is probably excited since you're here!"

Satisfied, Wakiko grins, "You're right." Suddenly, she whips out her phone, giving it a click to check the time, "But I have to get going. Give me a campus tour, sometime, Tendou! Waka will come along too, right?"

Ushijima's eyes smile at his sister, "Yes, of course. You can visit whenever you want." He really loves her.

Wakiko calls over her shoulder, "Oh, by the way, Tendou—I left you a present. Have Waka help you with it, okay?" Ushijima ushers his sister out of the dorm, walking her to her train stop.

Tendou is alone in the room, head spinning. Wakiko-kun was just as personable in real life, but he hadn't been able to appreciate any of her visit. Reluctantly, he scoops up his Japanese literature essay, and runs out the door to turn in his already-past-deadline, sorry-excuse for a paper.

* * *

He really needs to get over his fear of doors. It's irrational. It's his room too, after all. Tendou had stalled as much as possible, taking the longest route possible to and from the classics building.

But here he is, again. Room 201. The RA's name decorations for both Tendou and Ushijima hang next to each other, one on each side of the peephole. Ushijima's is a cute cutout of a cow, while Tendou's is a rooster. Quite ironic, since Ushijima is the early riser.

Deciding to face the music, Tendou pushes open the door, for a second time that day. He could only stall for so long.

Ushijima is sitting on his own bed, staring at his feet as though he doesn't know what to do with himself. In his lap is a neatly wrapped, small box. He looks up when Tendou enters the room.

"Wakiko-kun said this was for you. She made me promise I would help."

It's a secret blessing that there's something to talk about, anything to talk about rather than what they're avoiding.

Tendou muses, "I need help opening a present?" Tentatively, he sits on the bed next to Ushijima, a safe distance apart, but close enough to reach for the present and take it from Ushijima. Though these aren't the best circumstances, Tendou is intrigued to find out what Wakiko has left for him—he's not used to receiving gifts.

"I don't know what it is. Why don't you open it and we can see?"

The wrapping paper is neatly folded and taped, so Tendou feels bad for ripping it. A small cylindrical container and a flat circular one fall into Tendou's lap. If he didn't know better he'd think it was...

"Makeup!?" Mascara and a smokey-black pencilled eyeliner.

Ushijima is stunned too, but he remembers, "She did say she wanted you to try it sometime." Ushijima seems to be less shocked at his sister, knowing Wakiko always follows through on her word. Tendou figures that they're both like that.

On the inner face of the wrapping paper, there's a note:

" _Have Ushiwaka help you put it on. It'll be fun!_ " Oh god.

Not wanting to put Ushijima in any uncomfortable circumstance, Tendou is flustered and gives him a way out: "You don't have to, you don't even know how to, right?"

Ushijima flatly responds, "If I don't listen to her, she will be upset." It's true, and they both know it.

"You really—"

Ushijima is already taking off the cap to the eyeliner. Tendou runs through a hundred possible ways he can get out of this situation, and decides it's moot when all of them end in him fainting or jumping out the window.

Scooting closer, Ushijima reaches with the pencil, expectantly waiting for Tendou to relax. Tendou closes his eyes, because he's not sure what else to do. After a second, he feels the slight tug of the pencil on his right eyelid. It doesn't hurt, but he can feel the tip on his eyelid, and then the other one. Ushijima traces to the corner of Tendou's eyes, getting the outer edge as well.

Then, he feels the warm touch of Ushijima's fingers on his eyelid, purposefully smudging it. Ushijima's fingertips are warm and light to the touch. It takes everything in Tendou not to shake, realizing that he's so nervous, so scared that the considerate, thoughtful, and particular boy in front of him might not want to be his roommate anymore.

"Satori, you can open your eyes."

Unscrewing the mascara, Ushijima is silent as he brings the wand out. The wand looks really funny in his large hands. The tip of the wand is clear and plastic, spikes and all.

"Huh, the mascara is clear."

Ushijima offers, "Maybe she likes the color of your eyelashes."

"Oh—" _To highlight my best parts. My_ best parts.

Ushijima leans closer, and he starts to put the mascara on Tendou's lashes. They're only a few inches apart, and Tendou's eyes are forced open by virtue of what they're doing. Ushijima's eyes are trained on Tendou's lashes, but his gaze is no less severe, even though it's not trained on his own. Ushijima goes to the other eye, but now he's staring directly into Tendou's eyes. Not reading him, not judging him, just taking him in. Tendou feels his cheeks heat. He can see Ushijima's eyelashes, which are beautiful as is. Without thinking, Tendou reaches his hand out to touch Ushijima's cheek.

The process is finally done.

Noticing the hand on his face, "Satori, you're shaking." He's correct. Tendou's fingers are shivering.

It's time to talk about it: "I know. I can't help it. Yesterday night you remembe—"

Tendou draws back his hand, shielding it to try and warm it, as though the cold is the cause of the shakes. But it's not, so his hand still shakes.

Ushijima cuts Tendou off, the first time he has done something like that, "I do remember." Ushijima never cuts anybody off. It's an uncharacteristic aggressiveness that Tendou hasn't seen before.

Tendou offers, "If you want we can forget—" He'd give anything to go back to the way they were, so that he won't have to dread coming back to the room everyday. Who is he kidding... it won't ever be normal again.

Again, he cuts Tendou off. "No. I never said no." Tendou stills. Ushijima's face is still ridiculously close to his, and it's intimidating. The alcohol isn't there for this to be comfortable.

Envisioning the incoherent pile of muscle Ushijima was by the end of the night, Tendou reminds him, "You didn't say yes."

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes, now." Ushijima takes Tendou's hand, holding it and placing it back on his own cheek. He leans into Tendou's palm, closing his eyes as though he'd like to take a nice nap in it.

Tendou's mouth goes dry, moisture sent to his eyes, "I—"

Unable to fathom how someone so pure can trust himself to someone so volatile, so unreliable, so weird. Unwilling to accept that Ushijima can be vulnerable to someone who would never open up, even a crack to anyone else. Unaware that the boy in front of him was everything he had ever needed, until now.

_Protect him. Don't let the world toss him around, like it did with you._

And then Tendou brings his perfect, beautiful, and not-at-all intimidating roommate to himself, in a hug. Ushijima grips his own arms around Tendou's back, strong arms holding Tendou tight. He's so boringly beautiful, because he checks every box, he's flawless—but maybe only Tendou sees him this way.

Then, Ushijima looks up and Tendou gives him what he has requested and puts his mouth on his—not wanting to disappoint. There's a stiffened surprise but just as quickly there's an immense relief, and he feels it in the way Ushijima decompresses in his own arms. Tendou tilts his head, to get a better angle, and gives Ushijima's lips a tiny lick, to ask if more is okay.

It is, because Ushijima instantly opens his mouth, kissing back with the same aggressiveness that he had surprised Tendou with earlier. Aggressively assenting. Commanding Tendou to do more. Needing Tendou to come to him. As he drinks in Tendou, he lets him pull his waist close as Tendou makes it his goal to get to know every curve of Ushijima's lip and draw out heavy exhales out of Ushijima with his tongue.

Ushijima's fingers through his own hair, grabbing on to stabilize himself as Tendou continues to give Ushijima what he wants, because that's all he wants to do. The glassy look in Ushijima's eyes is not the drunken one that he had seen yesterday, rather a new one that Tendou enjoys much more.

* * *

"I like the eyeliner on you."

Ushijima stands behind Tendou, who is changing to get ready for bed, after quite a long day of— _well, nobody needed to know_ —of... busy... work.

Tendou spins around, planting a kiss on Ushijima's cheek, "Complimenting your own work?" Something so new, but something so natural. Not wanting only a cheek kiss, Ushijima points to his own mouth. So needy. Tendou complies.

"No. Complimenting you. You look... cool. In black."

Tendou glances at his closet. Regretfully, the black half is the smaller half. He's glad that Ushijima likes the black, because black clothes always made him feel more confident. Not that he needs a lot more confidence now. He'd need something to humble him if things keep going at this rate.

"Guess I'll have to wear it more often."

Ushijima shakes his head, "No, wear what you want." He's way too considerate. He should be able to say what he wants, faster. Or else they wouldn't have gotten into this whole mess.

Teasing, Tendou sticks his lower lip out at him, "Oh my goodness, you weirdo."

"You're a weirdo."

"We're both weirdos."

Ushijima smiles his tiny smile. They're in agreement.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one sitting, based off of the famous viral Twitter picture where one girl is sitting on another, doing her makeup. And then it just quickly spiraled into a thing where Ushijima has a secret thing for Tendou when he wears smudged eyeliner. Please come yell about me with this. I just didn't really know where to put this headcanon and I would stop at nothing until I was done. 
> 
> Do I regret it? No.  
> Did I edit this? Also no. 
> 
> Please forgive me.


End file.
